Advertising disclosure: This content contains affiliate links and sponsored product placements. That means that if you make a purchase through one of these links, we receive a commission. See our Advertising Disclosure page for more info. Is using sex toys common? Is it…okay? Our answer at X’s and O’s is a resounding yes! Using sex …
Sex toys as gifts? Absolutely! Orgasms are good for both mental and physical health. A gift that helps make them possible? Well, that sounds like a thoughtful gift to us here at X’s and O’s. For partners, sex toys can open up new paths to pleasure and intimacy.
Sexual activity, solo or partnered, is a vital part of healthy aging. Orgasms are amazingly effective for reducing anxiety and depression and increasing your sense of well-being. Sex toys for older women are great at helping women achieve orgasms.
Over the years I’ve received many questions from patients and readers here at X’s and O’s about personal lubricants (also called sexual lubricants or “lube”). Lube is a liquid or gel used to reduce friction, ease penetration and increase pleasure during all kinds of sexual activity.
Sex is for every body! A mobility limitation, disability, physical difference, chronic condition, arthritis, or age-related joint stiffness doesn’t have to preclude you or your partner from intimacy and sexual pleasure. Sex is about more than penetrative sex—that’s only one type. There are myriad different ways to enjoy sexual pleasure, partnered or solo.
Vibrator use for senior couples is growing! Vibrators increase blood flow to the genitals and provide the strong, consistent stimulation needed for arousal, erections, and orgasm. As we age, we need more and stronger stimulation—just as arthritis, weakened hands, aches and pains, and fatigue make it more difficult to deliver! Vibrators can help. They’re also a lot of fun, and can add zest and zing to familiar routines!
Between 17% and 45% of postmenopausal women find sex painful, according to The North American Menopause Society. A different study published by the American Academy of Family Physicians puts that number at up to 20% of American women. However, the numbers may be much higher, as many women don’t seek treatment, and doctors too often do not bring up the topic.
We know that sex is a stress-relieving activity, and there certainly is plenty of stress and uncertainty these days between the daily news of increasing numbers of new cases and the fall of the stock market shrinking our retirement plans.
As we age, we don’t fold and unfold quite like we used to. Mobility naturally decreases—more so if we have arthritis, are overweight, or have a chronic illness. Neck, back, and joint pain can make sustained lovemaking sessions or favorite sexual positions uncomfortable. Some positions may put too much strain on stiff or arthritic joints.
One of the erogenous zones I talked about in More about Outercourse, Explore Each Other’s Erogenous Zones was the G-zone.
Why “G-zone” rather than “G-spot?”
Also, why the “G” at all? Well, that comes down to a history lesson.
ASK THE DOCTOR What’s the difference between medical grade silicone and FDA body approved silicone? I understand the confusion. Medical grade silicone and FDA body-approved silicone are the same things, so the terms can be used interchangeably. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approves all materials that are used for medical purposes. Medical grade silicone, …
Many years ago when I was a young doctor at the start of my OB/GYN practice, an equally young patient came to me with a question that took me by surprise.
She wanted to know if she’d ever had an orgasm.
A partner’s guide to erectile dysfunction: how to recognize it, how to talk about it, and how to support him when he needs it most. Something has changed. Your partner’s erection comes more slowly or he may not get an erection at all. Or, he loses his erection before or during intercourse. He stops initiating …
Kegel exercises have many benefits…but only if done correctly. More than half of women don’t. You may have heard about the benefits of Kegel exercises for: Those all sound good…the only problem is that according to the National Institute of Health (NIH), over half of women do Kegel exercises incorrectly. Let’s talk a little about …
In a previous article, Vibrators for Men: Can They Help Treat the Symptoms of ED?, I stated that I believe that vibrators are overlooked and undervalued as an option for treating the symptoms of ED. Viberect is a revolutionary FDA approved male vibrator that has the science to back its claims. A 2014 study from …
Yes, sex feels good. But did you know it can also be good for your physical and emotional health? Sex has a positive impact on physical and cognitive performance, relationships, and happiness in our senior years. It’s a central part of emotional and physical health and wellbeing. We have talked about the effects of sex …
Yes, sex feels good. But it’s also good for your emotional, physical, and psychological health. Sex has a positive impact on physical and cognitive performance, relationships, and happiness into our senior years. It’s a central part of emotional, physical, and psychological health. Today let’s talk about the brain and the chemicals it releases during sex …
Growing older doesn’t mean the end of your sex life. Many studies have shown that older adults maintain an active, fulfilling sex life well into their 90s. It’s no wonder, there are abundant physical and psychological benefits of sex. Sex has a positive impact on physical and cognitive performance, relationships, and happiness into our senior …
Many people are uncomfortable with the idea of anal sex. And with age, anal sex may seem even more taboo. But if you’re curious about lovemaking a derriere—no matter how old you or your partner are—or hope to reduce any discomfort or pain you experienced or caused during previous anal sex experiences, this primer should …
I recently had the following question from a reader:
“I’m a woman and beginning to have more trouble getting aroused with a partner or even climaxing using a stimulator. As I age, will my orgasms be fewer and fewer? I have done a little research and wanted your opinion on clitoris pumps.”
There are two good questions here: one about orgasms and aging, the other about clitoral pumps. Today I am going to talk about the latter, clitoral pumps. The former will be addressed in the future.
A new report reveals that while sex is important to older adults, communication about sexual health is lacking I read an informative report on a poll taken in October 2017 by the University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging. The poll asked a national group of adults age 65-80 about their perspectives on relationships, …
I had the following question from a reader: “I was wondering if you know anything about vaginal rejuvenation? It seems to be the craze lately. Curious as to your insights.” I thought many more readers might be interested in this topic too. Vaginal rejuvenation was a new term for me so I went …
Using a strap-on, couples can still enjoy sexual pleasure even when an erection is not possible. In this final article in our series on options for coping with erectile dysfunction (ED) I am going to write about strap-ons for ED. Before we get started I want to emphasize that ED can be a symptom …
ASK THE DOCTOR What do you think about Osphena? Should post menopausal women take it even if they are not sexually active? Gracias I have to admit that I was not aware of this drug. It was approved by the FDA in 2013 for the treatment of pain with intercourse in menopausal women. What is …
Many men are curious about using penis pumps for ED and their effectiveness. Who might benefit from pump usage? Penis pumps are an option for older, healthy men with ED who either don’t want to use Viagra-like medication or vibrators or who aren’t getting satisfactory results from them. However, their main indication is for men …
I believe vibrators and stimulators are overlooked and undervalued as an option for treating the symptoms of ED. This is unfortunate, as they effectively provide the extra tactile (touch) stimulation many older men need to achieve erections.
ASK the DOCTOR “My wife and I enjoy sex toys, after menopause her vaginal wall is very thin. Most vibrators are harsh on penetration and rubbing the vagina is discomforting. We use lube obviously, is there any kinder sex toys we could play with.” If your wife is not already using topical vaginal estrogen cream, …
You lost weight, you moderated your alcohol intake, you stopped smoking, and yet the erections were still not satisfactory. The doctor gave you a thorough check-up and no serious problems emerged. He/she gave you a prescription for Viagra or a similar medication. You have heard about the side effects of the medication and besides, you are just not much of a medication taker. You ask yourself, are there other options?
I have had a number of questions lately from readers who can no longer get an erection. They have a condition called erectile dysfunction (ED).
Are erection problems and ED just a normal part of aging?
We are all old enough to remember Rod Stewart’s 1978 song “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” It starts “If you want my body and you think I’m sexy…” With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, let’s think about love—that mysterious force in people’s lives. 20th-century German philosopher Frederick Hegel defined love as “the desire of …
Orgasms may be more difficult to reach with aging, but they’re still achievable—and so important for our wellbeing. I recently read a question from a 78-year-old woman asking about orgasm. Her husband had died 5 years earlier and since his death, she had been masturbating to reach orgasm. She now had a new partner with …
Osteoporosis requires some extra caution when it comes to sex, but it doesn’t mean the end of intimacy. Osteoporosis is a disease where increased bone weakness increases the risk of a broken bone. This condition affects men and women, although it is more common in women. In the United States about 10 million people have …
Sex toys are great for seniors! Sexual activity, solo or partnered, is good for your health with aging. Orgasms are amazingly effective for reducing anxiety and depression and increasing your sense of wellbeing.
Are older adults using sexual aids (adult toys?) And if yes, is it common? Let’s look at some statistics. First, how many sexually active people are older adults? The New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM), 2007, published a sex survey of 57-85 year olds in the U.S. 3005 men and women Those reporting having sex …
About 25 million Americans suffer from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). This is a group of chronic lung diseases that cause slow, progressive shortness of breath. The most common are emphysema and chronic bronchitis. What are the causes and symptoms of COPD? 90% of those with COPD are smokers or former smokers. Among smokers, 20-30% …
Let’s talk about sex: It’s a hot topic on television, in movies, and online. In addition to all the other steamy details, we want to know who’s having it and how often. When it comes to women and men in or above their 50s, talking about sex has never been more important—and can be the …
ASK the DOCTOR “Dr. Bates, I enjoy reading your articles. At my age, I need all the help can get! I’m curious about the supposed new Viagra for Women (Addyi). I read your article & many of the recent news reports since its FDA approval. They say it works like many serotonin anti-depressants… In my …
High blood pressure (HBP), also called hypertension, is a common chronic medical condition in which the blood pressure in the arteries is elevated. Blood pressure is determined by the amount of blood your heart pumps and the amount of resistance to blood flow in your arteries. Your arteries start out smooth and elastic. Over the …
Heart disease is the leading of cause of death for both men and women in the U.S., responsible for about one of every three or four deaths annually. That comes to 610,000 deaths per year. Heart disease in women becomes more common after menopause. The average age for a first heart attack in men is …
Diabetes is one of the most common chronic illnesses. 29 million Americans suffer from diabetes; 8 million of those are undiagnosed. 26% of Americans over 50 have diabetes. First, what is diabetes? Diabetes is a disease of high blood sugar. There are two types of diabetes: How does diabetes affect sexual function? Although manifested …
Arthritis is one of the most common chronic illnesses. As many as 35 million Americans suffer from the condition. First, what are the different types of arthritis? There are many different types of arthritis, including osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis and gout. Osteoarthritis is the most common. This is classic “wear and tear” arthritis. The cartilage lining …
People who live with chronic illnesses often have difficulties with sexual functioning. Sexuality can be altered by these illnesses and their treatments. Some people may become sexually inactive because of misconceptions about their ability to have sex or the safety of having sexual relations. However, few, if any, chronic illnesses require complete restriction of sexual …
Part of what I did as a gynecologist was to give patients of all ages permission to be sexual. I counseled patients in sexless marriages that self-stimulation was not only normal but stress relieving and healthy. I reassured older patients with potential new partners that it was normal to become sexually active after many years …
ASK the DOCTOR “Dr. Bates, I read the article about your personal experience of impotence… What does a penile implant entail? Will my partner know I have one? How much does it cost? Is it covered by insurance?” It is a same-day surgical procedure that requires a small incision in the scrotum. One should plan …
Do the normal effects of aging extinguish sexual intimacy in some couples? For most couples, the frequency and intensity of lovemaking decline over time. In fact, about 10% of couples have no sex at all after 20 years of marriage. Young couples and new older couples expect and want sex. As the years pass, some …
I receive two questions often about sex and menopause. One is about painful intercourse (dyspareunia) developing gradually after the onset of menopause. The other is about how to resume penetrative sexual activity after a long pause—even years.
Obesity is rarely if ever an obstacle to sex and specifically penetrative sex. Most people who are obese develop a fulfilling sexual life.
Does being overweight and being sexy mix? Absolutely…but for many people who struggle with their weight, body image issues and associated factors can turn off the brain’s libido switch, according to psychologist Martin Binks, director of Duke University’s Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, N. Carolina. Now, besides the libido issue, there are good reasons …
Before we can talk about the aging couple we have to understand normal arousal and desire in men and women. Leon F Seltzer, Ph.D. does a nice job of describing normal human sexuality in The Triggers of Sexual Desire, Men vs. Women. What causes male arousal? As women are aware, male arousal is pretty simple. …
Recent FDA approval of a pill to treat low sexual desire in women has caused a strong reaction. More so because of the media label of the pill as “Female Viagra.” But is it really like Viagra? Let’s compare the two medications. What does each treat? Addyi treats low sexual desire, Viagra treats erectile dysfunction, …
Spontaneity and sex often go hand in hand. But, there are certain activities and even foods that can put a serious damper on an intimate moment. Gas-inducing foods such as beans, lentils, soda, and cabbage, for instance, can not only cause embarrassing side effects and get us out of the mood, but also pain and …
The PSA blood test is currently the best available screening test for prostate cancer. But PSA testing is very controversial. Should you get tested? That depends on your risk factors for prostate cancer and how you and your doctor feel about PSA testing. Read on to learn more about your options. Prostate Cancer Basics The …
Today I would like to take you on a journey through human genetic testing and give you a glimpse of the very near future. Fasten your seat belts, this is as significant as the evolution from giant mainframe computers to personal computers. There are now techniques for altering DNA, the ability to reprogram human cells. …
Typically, sexual dysfunction—defined as a problem occurring during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents an individual or couple from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual activity—is recognized and advertised as a men’s issue. While men can experience erectile dysfunction and ejaculation problems, women experience sexual dysfunctions by way of vaginal dryness, pain during …
Feeling less than energetic in the bedroom (or anywhere else, for that matter) is no fun. As we age, low sex drive can affect men and women for a number of reasons. In fact, one study found that 31 percent of men and 43 percent of women suffer from some form of sexual inadequacy at …
First of all, how much of a problem is being overweight in America? Recent studies show that 2/3 of Americans are overweight, and 1/2 of those who are overweight are actually obese. BMI, body mass index, is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to adult men and women. It …
THE DOCTOR “About six months ago, my husband, 56, started taking medication to control his cholesterol. Can this have an effect on his sexual performance? He asked his doctor, but his only response was ‘sometimes’. This is the only medication my husband is taking, and it seems to have decreased his interest in sex. Thank …
I have been seeing references in the media to mindfulness, allegedly something that can make us happier, healthier, and sexier. What is this all about? Mindfulness is a form of meditation, with roots in Buddhism. It is a state of active, open attention to the present. It promotes unconditional presence in the moment of whatever …
In the article on outercourse, I discussed different ways to enjoy outercourse. To carry on, our erogenous zones can provide great intimate enjoyment. An erogenous zone (from Greek eros for love and English genous for producing) is an area of the human body that has heightened sensitivity, the stimulation of which may generate a sexual …
Those men who have heard of Kegel exercises probably heard about them from their wives as they rehabilitated their bladders and vaginas after childbirth. But both men and women have a pelvic floor, the network of muscles that support the pelvic organs. In young people these muscles are taut and strong, helping to hold pelvic …
I can’t tell you the number of times a patient said to me, after recuperating from hysterectomy for severe menstrual cramps or severe pain with intercourse, once again feeling good and able to be pleasurably sexually active, that “she wished she had done this years ago.” Well, I said the same thing to myself after …
ASK the DOCTOR “I am a 60 yrs old man. It seems the only way that I can get an erection is with anal stimulation. Should I be concerned or is this normal for a Man of My age? I do drink, smoke, and take blood pressure medication. I do wake with an erection upon …
Sex toys have for the most part been designed for women, but more men are coming to realize their benefits. Sex toys for older men are recommended by therapists and physicians to help treat sexual dysfunction and to improve sexual enjoyment.
There’s a common misconception in our culture that sexuality and sexual activity go by the wayside as we age. It may be true that some kinds of sexual activity, such as penetrative intercourse, are more challenging as our bodies change. But that doesn’t mean anyone’s sex life should end after age 50.
Aging brings changes to our physical and emotional states. These changes can have both positive and negative effects when it comes to sexual intimacy. While it’s not a given that desire and frequency of sex decrease as we get older, it may be necessary to accommodate the limited mobility many of us experience over time.
Loss of libido gets a lot of media attention, so just what is libido, anyway? It is sexual desire or to put it another way, desire for sexual activity. Is this a common problem? Yes, it is a common problem. Does the loss of libido affect women and men equally? No, women are more affected …
Today I am going to focus on the cancer patient. The biggest risk for getting cancer is aging. The immune system is key in destroying micro cancers that we develop continually throughout our lives. As we age, the immune system becomes less effective in combating these micro cancers which then permits the development of significant …
This article is in response to a question from a reader. She is menopausal and asked what lubricant is best for intercourse. Normally, the walls of the vagina are coated with a thin layer of clear fluid. With sexual arousal, this natural lubricant is increased and the woman becomes wet. This wetness is created by …
Sexual wellbeing is a central component of quality of life. Cancer can result in significant disruption of sexuality. This disruption is one of the most negative influences on social/sexual wellbeing, not only for the patient but also for the partner. These changes are most obviously noted with cancers that directly affect the sexual or reproductive …
ASK THE DOCTOR “If Viagra for men causes increased blood flow to the penis, can it help a woman in the same way to her clitoris? Aren’t they the same type of skin and nerve endings to make it more “pleasure sensing”?” Good question that gets some media attention. Yes, the type of skin and …
This is big news, but is this really like Viagra, and is it safe? No, it is not like Viagra, which works well by increasing blood flow to the penis. The mechanism of action for Addyi, which is a member of a family of neurotransmitter drugs (i.e. Prozac) used for treating depression, is to activate …
Masturbation is touching one’s body, including the sexual organs, to experience pleasure. For many, masturbation is a taboo subject. There are many harmful myths, social and religious, that cause discomfort and guilt. Let’s get the facts right. Masturbation is a normal, natural, and healthy activity of women and men. Physicians have been reassuring patients about …
There are many reasons why a woman may stop having sex in her senior years, particularly during and after menopause. The reasons may be physical, emotional, relational, or a nuanced and complex combination.
There is the general perception that online relationships rarely move to offline face-to-face, real-life communication. Although research on this issue has yielded mixed results, it seems that many people who meet online do transition later on to the physical world. Besides resorting to online dating sites, we can also find a partner through other virtual …
Testosterone and Women… There has been a lot of media attention to testosterone therapy for women lately. You might ask, but isn’t testosterone the male hormone? Yes, it is, but it is also produced by the ovaries and the adrenal glands in women. In fact, it is the key hormone for sexual arousal and desire …
Manhood, what it means to be a man, is the ability to obtain and maintain erections sufficient for penetration. Having sex is integral to being a man. Sexual performance is a symbolic expression of masculinity. Is there a risk of losing your manhood following prostate surgery? You chose prostatectomy to treat your prostate cancer. You …
Sexual devices have entered the mainstream of medicine to treat sexual arousal, orgasmic disorders, and to enhance the female sexual response. Sexual female dysfunction reportedly affects up to 40% of American women. In women 50 and older, dysfunction is more common. The following is my review of an article entitled “The role of mechanical devices …
When my 55-year-old sister told me vaginal estrogen cream had really helped her with vaginal dryness and painful intercourse, I was surprised that estrogen was something new to her. I asked her if her doctor had talked to her about hormone replacement therapy (HRT) at the time of her hysterectomy 10 years earlier. Either he …
Many times over the years, I explained Kegel exercises to patients. Patients who were postpartum and losing urine with coughing, laughing, sneezing, or exercising. Patients who had developed mild to moderate stress incontinence gradually over the years. Patients who had noticed increasing pelvic heaviness or pressure, and on the physical exam had mild to moderate loss of support of the bladder or the rectum, or the uterus.
Occasionally a patient would tell me that her husband was having trouble with erections, but that he would not go to the doctor (sound familiar, fellows?). He wanted her to ask me if it could have something to do with low testosterone. So what is testosterone? It is the male hormone, it is produced by …
Can videos with sexual content improve your sex life? Both men and women respond to visual sexual stimulation, but the human response cycle, sexual desire, activity, and satisfaction in men and women are very different.
I just reviewed two articles on the benefits of exercise. The first was published in JAMA Oncol, July 16, 2015, and studied the relationship between increased body fat and increased breast cancer risk in menopausal women. Half of the patients exercised moderately for 2 1/2 hours weekly, the other half exercised moderately for 5 hours weekly. …
Treatment of prostate cancer, the most common type of cancer in men, usually has a list of negative side effects. Besides erectile dysfunction and urinary incontinence, many men also suffer from dry ejaculation, leakage of urine with orgasm, penile shrinkage, and bowel dysfunction. The impact of these physical effects on the sexual life of the …
From studies published by the New Journal of Medicine, the British Medical Journal, and AARP regarding sexual activity among those over 50, it is clear that the majority of seniors are sexually active. The frequency of sexual activity did not decrease through 74 years, despite a high prevalence of bothersome sexual problems.
Erections are a critical part of a man’s sexual function. From the pleasant sensations first experienced in adolescence with self exploration and masturbation, to the first sexual encounters, to the sexual intimacy of a long term relationship, erections are an integral part of a man’s identity.
The penis and scrotum (the “balls”) aren’t the only erogenous zones for men. The perineum, anus, and prostate gland (the “P spot”) are highly sensitive and responsive pleasure zones that many men haven’t yet discovered.
During my practice years and while medical director at Planned Parenthood I spoke frequently with young patients about safe sex. Only rarely was there such a conversation with my over 50 patients. Baby boomers are once more breaking tradition, this time it is age, sexual activity with a new partner, and an increase in sexually transmitted disease (STD).
Updated 09/18/2022 The media is a powerful machine that shapes our views about almost any social issue, including sex. The way the media portrays certain topics reflects our cultural beliefs and attitudes. At the same time, the messages promoted in the media can have a strong effect on our perceptions and our experiences. The media …
