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Over the years I’ve received many questions from patients and readers here at X’s and O’s about personal lubricants (also called sexual lubricants or “lube”). Lube is a liquid or gel used to reduce friction, ease penetration and increase pleasure during all kinds of sexual activity.
First and foremost, lubricant use is normal. For people who have gone through menopause, personal lubricants can help alleviate vaginal dryness during sex. Lube is absolutely essential for anal sex. It can also make all types of sex, both partnered and solo, more comfortable and pleasurable. What’s not to like?
Here are answers to some of the top questions about sex lubricants.
What are the different types of personal lubricants?
It is important to understand the safety, characteristics and uses for the different categories of lubricants. The vagina is sensitive and porous; anything that goes in there is absorbed by the bloodstream. Lubricants can end up in the mouth through oral sex. Some types of lubricants can damage condoms or sex toys.
Water-Based Lubricants
Water-based lubricants are the most common type of personal lubricant on the market. They feel like natural lubrication and can be used for any kind of sexual activity. They are safe for use with sex toys and condoms (though you should always check the individual product packaging). They wash easily out of sheets and clothing. The only real downside to water-based lubricants is that they tend to dry out quickly, meaning you’ll need to reapply them more often.
The best water-based lubricants are gentle and glycerin and paraben free. When choosing one, it’s better to keep it simple—forego the fragrances. I usually recommend water-based Astroglide, Slippery Stuff, or an aloe-containing product like Aloe Cadabra. An innovative product is a Pulse H2OH! Pod.
Silicone-Based Lubricants
Silicone or silicone-blend lubricants tend to be a bit thicker than water-based and last longer. They are waterproof, making them a good choice for shower sex, but they do have the potential to stain clothing and sheets. They are safe to use with condoms (again, check the individual product) and plastic sex toys, but shouldn’t be used with silicone sex toys. It may seem odd, but silicone lubricants with silicone sex toys can break down or degrade the silicone used in the toys over time. Examples of silicone lubricants include Lovehoney ES and EasyGlide.
Oil-Based Lubricants
Oil-based lubricants include petroleum jelly (Vasoline), baby oil, lotion and mineral oil. These can have a thick, greasy or oily feeling, and they don’t taste good. They can stain clothing and sheets. More importantly, oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms. Damaged condoms can degrade and break, limiting their ability to protect against sexually transmitted disease (STD) and pregnancy.
Coconut oil is an oil-based lubricant that is growing in popularity. It does have many advantages as a natural product. It feels good to use and is safe in the mouth. However, as an oil-based lubricant, the same concerns apply—it can compromise latex condoms. People who are prone to vaginal yeast infections may want to avoid using coconut oil as lube. Coconut oil is antibacterial and antifungal, which means it has the potential to disrupt the pH balance of the vagina.
Can you use Neosporin as lube?
This is one oil-based lubricant to absolutely avoid. It’s found in many home medicine cabinets and feels similar to petroleum jelly, so people may be tempted to reach for it as a personal lubricant. However, while Neosporin may feel similar to lube, it is a topical antibiotic and shouldn’t be used except as indicated on the packaging. Using Neosporin as a vaginal lubricant can change the normal bacteria in the vagina. This can cause vaginitis, which has symptoms of itching, burning and discharge.
Is lube only for penetrative sex?
Lubrication can make any kind of sex feel better and more exciting!
Sexual lubricant eases entry during vaginal sex, whether the penetration is from a penis, fingers or a sex toy. It is an absolute must for anal penetration, because the anus does not self-lubricate in the same way as the vagina or mouth. (For tips on safe and comfortable anal sex, see our primer.) Lube is also essential for using sex toys that envelop the penis, like masturbation sleeves, strokers and Fleshlights.
However, lube makes non-penetrative sex more comfortable and often more enjoyable, too. Masturbation, manual sex and sex toy use can create uncomfortable friction, particularly if you need more and longer stimulation to reach orgasm. Friction from any kind of sexual activity can cause microscopic tears in the skin that are not only uncomfortable, but can actually increase the risk of STD transmission.
Sexual lubricant creates a slippery surface that reduces friction during all kinds of sexual activity. It can be handy for putting on and removing penis rings and condoms, too, by reducing drag on the skin.
There is also the arousal aspect. The feeling of being “wet” sends signals to the brain that increase arousal and sexual excitement.
Can lube help with vaginal dryness after menopause?
The quick answer is yes, let’s dive a little deeper.
The walls of the vagina are coated with a thin layer of clear fluid. With sexual arousal, this natural lubrication increases (“getting wet”) to assist in lovemaking. The hormone estrogen is key to this process.
Estrogen declines during menopause, reducing this natural lubrication. The decline also causes the vaginal lining to thin and become less elastic. All of this adds up to dry, uncomfortable or even painful penetrative sex.
The first line of therapy is topical vaginal estrogen prescribed by a doctor. Vaginal estrogen cream is historically the most common treatment. This was followed by the development of estrogen tablets. The most current development has been the introduction of vaginal estrogen rings. They all work; it is a matter of what works best for the individual patient. This is usually found by a trial of the medications.
Lube can help make sex comfortable for women with vaginas which are well estrogenized but still experience dryness, or for those who can’t use estrogen because of medical contraindications.
Can using lube help with uncomfortable or painful vaginal penetration?
It may, but it’s important to understand and, if necessary, treat the underlying cause of the discomfort. This is something to be handled with the help of a professional. Using lots of lube to “power through” the pain isn’t a sustainable solution.
There are many potential causes of dyspareunia (painful intercourse). I covered one of the most common—a drop in estrogen during menopause—in the question above. However, painful intercourse may have complex causes that are physical, medical, relational, psychological, emotional or a combination. My article “Painful Sex: Causes and Solutions” has more information.
Does anal sex require a certain kind of lube?
Any kind of anal penetration—whether from a finger, penis or toy—requires plenty of lubrication on both the giving and receiving end. Water-based lubricants work well for anal play, though they may require more frequent re-application. Silicon-based lubricants last longer but shouldn’t be used with silicone toys like dildos, butt plugs or prostate massagers. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms.
The anus is a sensitive area, so it’s best to avoid lubes with parabens, fragrances, flavors, or warming and tingling sensations. Keep things simple. Numbing and desensitizing lubes can mask pain or injury during sex.
There are lubricants marketed specifically for anal sex. They tend to have a thicker consistency than traditional lubes (often a gel) so they last longer.
Is there an easy way to warm up lubricant?
Cold lubricant can quickly douse sexual desire! How to avoid that? There are old-fashioned methods like rubbing a small amount of lubricant between the hands or putting the tube of lubricant in a cup of hot water. These aren’t exactly convenient in the heat of a sexual moment. In my OB/GYN office we heated our exam lubricants by storing them on heating pads.
Today, there are bedside lubrication warming machines. The best one I’ve seen is the Pulse Touchless Lube Warming System. It comes with water-based personal lubricant pods, which can be ordered separately.
What is the take-home message?
Using lube is normal and natural. It can make all kinds of sexual activity, solo and partnered, more comfortable and pleasurable. Lube isn’t a catch-all solution for painful penetrative sex, it’s important to address the underlying causes with a professional. If you are menopausal, talk with your doctor about vaginal estrogen cream to maintain a healthy and comfortable vagina.
As per our Terms of Use, this article is for general educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as a substitute for professional medical advice. Consult with your own physician or health care practitioner regarding the use of any information received here before using or relying on it. Your physician or health care practitioner should address any and all medical questions, concerns and decisions regarding the possible treatment of any medical condition.
